My Karma Cheated on Your Dogma

On the way home last Friday, I received a text message: “Hey are you married already?”

It was my ex-bf. We shall call him.. um.. Stu. Short for Stupid.

Don’t you love it when your ex texts you outta the blue, not asking how you are, but instead wanting to know your marital status. I wish I could have answered “Married but now divorced, with 2 adopted kids, and now seeing this wonderful guy, and we have adopted another one, and yeah, I have 3 kids with him, so yeah.. I’m good.” Wait a sec, that’s Angelina.

Anyhoo…..

Dear Stu has just had his heart broken by his gf, now, ex-gf. Let’s call his gf, now ex-gf, B1tch. Well, coz she is a.. umm.. b1tch (we’ll get to this soon).

Dear Ex had been dating B1tch for 3 years and 4 months. Recently, she’s been talking non-stop about this guy, let’s call him Steve. Coz well, Steve is his name. So every day, her conversation with Stu, has been “Oh Steve said this, omg he is SO funny”, “Steve has 2 eyes, TWO eyes, would you believe that?”. OK, you get the drift.

And so Stu felt something was amiss. He confronted B1tch about Steve, and she said “oh, Steve is just a good friend, darling. By the way, Steve said this today.. (insert stupid joke).. OMG, don’t you think it was just SO hilarious?!”

So, one fine night, Stu cooked a special dinner for B1tch (who was at a meeting at work and would be back late). Stu texted B1tch’s co-worker saying that he has cooked her a special meal, what time will the meeting finish? At 11.20pm, the very nice co-worker texted Stu, saying “pssstt… B1tch is on her way back, hope you get lucky tonight mate!”

Stu waited.

And waited.

How large is that island anyway? One can get from one end of the island to another within an hour, especially at that hour.

At 12.20am, he called her mobile. It has been switched off. He tried over 20 times.

He then called Steve. It rang thrice, the third time, it was cut off after a couple of rings.

B1tch eventually got home at 2.30am.

Apparently, she went for some drinks with her co-workers after the meeting. Nothing harmful. He asked her about Steve, she said no. She didn’t meet him.

In the middle of the night, Stu suddenly thought about her phone. He decided to check her text messages. (Maybe he isn’t that stupid after all). He found several messages from Steve, one of the text message was “My legs were still trembling after you left”.

Woke her up, she said that yeah, she met Steve after that and they had a couple of drinks, that was all. No sex. Maybe the alcohol gave him the trembles. Hmm.. maybe I should ask Stu, what drink exactly did they have? Do you reckon Stu would have asked about the trembles-inducing drink? Shiver me timbers.

I digress.

Listening to Stu tell me the story, it was déjà vu.

Because that was exactly what happened between Stu and me when he cheated on me with B1tch.

Exactly 3 years and 4 months ago.

What goes around comes around.